My dog is Houdini
No one barfed on anyone last night, I didn’t run across any vapes hidden in the house in the last 24 hours, and it’s finally Friday! I’ll call that a win. (The bar is low here.) We had an emergency…
Squish
Started my day at 1am with that unmistakable sound of imminent dog barf. Dog barf that I was too late to intercept until hurl round two. I’m fumbling around in the dark trying to capture a now panicked miniature weiner…
Four strikes, you’re out!
Ever hop in the shower only to realize you forgot to grab a towel? It happens. Ever get yourself locked out of your own linen closet while frantically trying to rectify that problem? No? Just my house? Thought so. With…
You have a phone call.
In child welfare there is such a thing as the “Safety Plan.” It really is just a piece of paper that the youth in care signs, along with the caregiver. It says, yeah we all know what I did, I’m…
Revenge is best served in a sauna.
I came home from work today to find people dressed in tshirts and shorts while sitting in the living room. Then I realized, holy cow, it’s a sweat box in here! I head to the nearest thermostat to check. It…
Alexa, let there be frost!!!
Came home last week to complaints from two of the teenage household occupants that they were “freezing.” I always tell them to dress for the weather, again, clothes, such a battle. Meanwhile it’s snowing and I ask them to wear…
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
I start my day with a load of laundry. Every day. Home or vacation. No fail, every day. There are currently 9 people in this house. It is a lot of laundry. You know what helps the process along? Pressing…
Is that chicken nuggets I smell?
There are a million things that my father did in the name of parenting that well, normal people would likely NOT do. For example, when I was a kid I had a hamster and called him Thumper. I returned one…
My Sweet Sassy Britches
“Fancy” dinner out. We do this once a year for a special occasion. Every year. It always requires a conversation. I’m not sure why wardrobe is such a problem here, especially with a years worth of advance warning. I’m nearly about…
The rules are, there are no rules.
January 3rd, the return to school, otherwise known as the return of the return of silence. With school, comes a never-ending battle I like to call the Dress Code Wars, Sarcastic Mom Edition. I start nearly every school day here…
