welcome back
I’m going to preface this with a notice to the Barbie Lawyer! This has not been proofread. I’m tired. I’m slightly aggravated. Don’t harass me. As a side note, I also miss you.
Yesterday ended at 11:45pm with a screaming match between two kiddos and apparently, hands thrown. I can’t testify to the latter, but supposedly there was “hitting” that went with the screaming. If you don’t know what throwing hands is, please consult the Google. You’re welcome.
It’s always nice to be startled awake by screaming. Daytime Emmy Nominee is visiting, so I’ll admit, my PTSD kicked in and I jumped up much faster than my blood pressure could catch up to, when I heard, “Shut the f@$k up! There are women and children sleeping.” I assure you, there was no one sleeping at that point. Sassy Britches has to then present her very best sassy response of curse words, hands waving, and head bobbing back and forth for dramatic effect. I’m sure this is offensive to some, but the only thing that came to mind in that moment to shut her up was to tell her she was on the wrong side of 8 mile for that mouth. To which, of course, she told me she didn’t care. Sassy Britches is the literal reason anger management therapies are a thing. (Ask the ex boyfriend that got his lip cracked open at homecoming. While I’m not encouraging violence, it’s the general consensus that cheating on your girlfriend and then showing up at homecoming with her as your date the next day, prancing past, holding hands, probably earned him the injury. Anyway…)
I have no idea why these two kiddos were arguing in the first place. I mean, what is there to argue about at 11:45pm, on a school night, when you should be unconscious? I reminded them that this entire ridiculous event could have been avoided by following the rules and going to bed at actual bedtime. Don’t worry, no one is listening to me anyway. Actually. Nobody. Just so we are clear. I settled everyone down, went back to the safety of my bed, my snoring hubby and what was supposed my princesses dog, who apparently turned into my dog and also a bed hog.
Ahhh peace. Or not. Within a minute I hear voices, again. Only now, it’s what I’m fairly certain is teenage girl gossip/drama to other teenage girls on the phone because of course there is no better way to diffuse a situation than to get on the phone with a friend in front of your current arch nemesis and belittle her, while sitting next to her. Duh. I just want to go to bed so I holler down to Gossip Girl that if I have to come down there to shut her up, I’m coming back up to my room with her phone. As she is addicted to her phone (for real) this actually worked and I slept all the way to 6:04am.
Being I’m awake, I figure I will go motivate all the children to find their way to the bus and actually show up at school. (The dog, who has zero concern for my comfort or personal space, much like a lot of other people I live with, is still blissfully asleep.) I had one, basically always truant kiddo, that I woke up and pushed out the door. And another that had to argue with me about for 45 minutes. Down to telling me she couldn’t get up because she had to use the bathroom to wash her face, and the bathroom was occupied. I told her I had good news, and that we have modern plumbing in the entire house! She’d find that water comes out of all the faucets in any of the three bathrooms we have here. She of course missed the bus so she got to spend some quality time with me in the car. I told her she could get out of the car, or I could invite the school resource officer to personally escort her. She decided to walk in on her own.
I pull away and wait for the unverified absence notifications to light up my phone. It really only took a matter of minutes. She didn’t go to class… at… all. She did however visit the restroom in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SCHOOL, which she RODE A BUS TO. I’ll let you digest that for just a minute. It gets better…
I get a call around 2pm to tell me that my little friend was unverified all day. (No kidding.) She returned to school, high, and they sent her away. Ummmm. Wait? What? So instead of I dunno, detaining her and calling me to collect her, she was just sent away? Yup. I ask if they know where she is now, and of course they do not. Fabulous. I text Sassy Britches and find this kiddo is now on the bus. Of course, let’s not save anyone the trip of picking her up there, let’s instead pull her off the bus. Can’t have one more student high on the bus than we usually have. Instead go to collect her, beg for consequences, to which I’m told there will be none. Perfect. I’m sure I will be seeing them all again tomorrow to do this all over again. It will be at the same time because you can be for darn sure that my phone is going to be accidentally left on do not disturb all day.
