The right fighter.
I love a little conflict with breakfast. It’s why Bestie gives me all the angry emotional jobs at the office. The ones that have potential to turn aggressive are the ones I get nominated for. The fact that she feeds into my talents in this area, is also one of the many reasons I like her. Ha ha.
Cohort also loves an argument and is typically looking for one. (Aren’t we a pair?) I’m pretty sure she wakes up each day feeling she is more oppressed than the day before. That is of course entirely my fault. Duh. Not only does she feel like everything needs to be argument, it has to be an argument about nothing being her responsibility. She is exempt from any and all rules and expectations.
So today, I presented every band kiddo in this house with the opportunity to go on a High School Band Trip to Florida. Focus word there is BAND. I have given them the conditions they will be required to meet in order to go.
1: You must practice your instrument! Class does not count as practice time. Twenty minute intervals at least once a week.
Sassy Britches was the first to admit that she hasn’t touched her flute, while at home, in what I’d guess is years. Thank you Sassy Britches for owning your shit. Refreshing. Cohort on the other hand insists she does practice, just not at home, and only once a year for Solo and Ensemble and only at school. Ok. Seems she is not listening. I continue on.
2: No missing assignments.
No real complaints on this one. Although Sassy Britches wants to insist the term “missing assignments” doesn’t even apply to her. She would never do that. Ha. Meanwhile, Daytime Emmy Nominee, is a bundle of very guilty giggles.
Anyway, I make it clear that these are my terms. Accept them. Don’t accept them. I don’t care either way. As always, the expectations are clear, and each kid has a choice as to how they want to handle it. No mystery. This is the beauty of the natural consequence parenting style. One is in control of their own outcome.
After all this, Cohort still needs to argue her position that she should not have to meet the practice requirement. One of her reasons, wait for it, “BAND IS NOT HER PRIORITY,” and that should “not be her fault.”
Uhhhh, sweet cheeks, can we revisit the part bout this being a BAND TRIP? You know, where you are expected to perform and partake in educational music activities. You go as a team. Perform as a team. Thus making practice highly important. That team is counting on you to perform your role. Wasn’t it you that sent a next at 11pm last night to ask, “May I go on the band field trip?” She looked at me as if I had just birthed an alien right there in the livingroom. After some other random snarky commentary, she bolts for her room.
Cohort fights to be right. There is no logic that will trigger a lightbulb moment for her. No fact that is going to even sink in long enough to process. Her need to be right alienates the people around her. Sadly, I don’t think she realizes that it has cost her both relationships, and roles, that were at one point, very valuable to her. I also don’t know how to teach her listening skills, or compromise, or how to shake the victim mentality. For the most part, I’m certain she is so busy thinking about what to say next to prove she is right, that she doesn’t even hear what anyone else says. She doesn’t realize that even if she happens to be wrong, that doesn’t at all change her worth as a person.
That sums up another day that I wished I drank wine instead of iced tea.
