I’m still learning.

Like most of us, I spent plenty of time in Middle School and High School worried about what other people thought of me and questioning my value and ability. At least I think thats what happens to most people. If you’re lucky, you mostly grow out of it. Thankfully, for the most part, I am one of those lucky people. I’m not consumed with the opinions of other people. Lucky for the universe, if you don’t like me, what I say or what I do, you’re free to move on to find greener pastures. I know that I am intelligent, creative, and if you ask my kids, I “get shit done.”

I’m secure in who I am and the relationships that are important to me. I’ve worked hard to be where I am, and overcome the obstacles of adulting before I was even ready for adulting. (If only you got to pick when the unpleasant things in life pop up so you can be “prepared”.) I am a strong and fairly self reliant person, and while I’m shy, (yes, really), I am self confident. I know that most of the girls in my house are not yet so fortunate to know their worth and be comfortable in their own skin. I have always said that you can use the crap you are handed as an excuse to be less than you were destined to be, or use it as a motivator to flourish. I opt for flourishing. Sadly, I have a few friends that just couldn’t ever get past the crap and are stuck in it.

OG Drama had the misfortune of having her car break down a few days ago. Her first call was to Hubby, and then to me because, well, if you know Hubby, you know he never answers his phone. I was knee deep in our tax return and shuffled her off to Hubby. I have zero idea how that all played out on the phone, but I know I was summoned to help retrieve the car from the side of the road. I’m happy that she knew she could call without being afraid of the reaction on the other end of the line. I am happy that we are in a position to be helpful to her.

At this point in my life, these things, while wildly inconvenient, are not detrimental. Time sensitive – absolutely. Earth shattering – not really. I am great full for that and great full for a husband that works his tail off to provide for his family. I am also painfully aware of what it feels like to have these types of things happen to you as a young adult and not be so fortunate. Been there and done that. I think kids forget that their parents weren’t always so secure in life or in themselves. Maybe the fact that they are oblivious to the struggles that we’ve all managed to survive means we did a good job in sheltering them from the moments that weren’t so great. Or, maybe we over compensated and they just didn’t notice things sucked sometimes. Anyway, OG Drama is learning about life, unfortunately at a very steep learning curve, that most don’t have to experience. She is not yet prepared for these hiccups in the road. I have the misfortune of being the guy that has to teach her that there are things in life that you can’t ignore until you are ready to process them. Like her, I am still learning. The balance between the push she needs to face what’s thrown at her, and avoiding an emotional reaction is tricky. I’ve not yet found the best way to approach it without explosive results. :/ The truth is that Hubby and I have more faith in her than she does. She does not yet possess the confidence to know that she indeed CAN handle this because right now, she has help and isn’t forced to tackle it alone. She has people to walk her through it when she can’t sort it all out on her own yet. One day, we won’t be here to provide a parachute for our kids. I’d like to know that we’ve prepared them for that moment and they know how to problem solve on the fly.

So the car breaks down. I wait until the next day to hopefully gather some information to see what options she has and how much help she is going to need from us. I point out that she has the good fortune of living with two skilled mechanics, and hopefully finding the positives here will help. She can’t find any positives in this moment. I try to make it light hearted conversation. Nope. I tried to point out how much worse this could be… she got to her destination safely, and she has family to support her. Also, not at all effective. I tried to comfort her in the best way any anti hugger, non warm and fuzzy person can. Hard fail. It escalated into a blow up, and now I am pretty much at fault for everything from global warming to world hunger. I can only take just so much yelling. Some days the threshold is higher than others. Today, was not one of those days and the longer it went on the more uncomfortable I became. Eventually my skin was crawling, and I could feel a panic attack coming on as I was trapped in this car with her, with zero options of fleeing to calm myself. I think the yelling gets to a point that I am transported back to being a kid, with zero control, while father of the year berates me. I don’t know, but I could not get her out of that car fast enough. I tried to reason with her, until eventually I told her she was being an asshole, which I have since apologized for, not that it matters to her right now. Thank goodness for my BFF who interrupted with a call to refocus my thoughts or I may have ended up sitting at the side of the freeway, sobbing, with face in my hands, and gasping for air. OG has never seen me have a panic attack, and I prefer she never does. It isn’t pretty.

Hubby spent the evening and then the next day working on the car. We’ve been talking in through, researching what options she has, and what amount of work is reasonable to put into this car. He has since already made progress towards it running and I think he’s pretty sure of himself at this point that he knows what it is. Again, she’s so lucky I have excellent taste in men. HA HA. I have given her the gift of a very talented Dad. OG is still beside herself angry, suffering the peak of anxiety, and sadly spewing hurtful words a mile a minute that she can’t reel back in. Hubby and I have just taken a step back. The car is parked in the street, where I imagine it will stay until we can all sit down a learn how to navigate all this together. It may take awhile. I want to fix it for her, and I guess we could have just done that. That said, I don’t think that teaches her that she has the power to work her way through this, and she deserves to know that more than anything else.

Teaching a teenager how to value themselves, harness their own power, and believe in themselves is no joke.