What’s yours is mine.

Breakfast today: A cannoli, cheese danish and theraflu. Yes, I’m serious. Yes, I know that’s bad for me. I don’t care about that as much as I care about eating the much sought after foods before the swarm of locusts invade the kitchen and I’m left with a half empty container of old humus. At that point I’ve missed my chance and it happens before you know it.

I bought the cannolis yesterday at the local bakery. They didn’t have enough for everyone so I figured I wouldn’t get any. That’s fine. I’m already fighting with the button on my pants. (Obviously, given the breakfast menu above.) Anyway, I hid them in the back of the fridge so they had a fighting chance at survival. I also figure if you are clever enough to go on a hunt in the fridge, you deserve that cannoli. Apparently everyone was feeling lazy last night because when I got up this morning, there were still cannoli’s left. Hello, breakfast. Look, I’m headed out of town on a very tiny plane today. I’m eating the cannoli.

Thankfully, while grazing on my breakfast cannoli, I remembered that I also hid a cheese danish in the kitchen. I’ve been chipping away at that all week. Meanwhile, multiple kids have spent the week complaining that I forgot to buy the cheese danish. So, out of obligation, I had to eat some of that. I did leave the rest out for the kids, being I’m leaving town. They are gonna wonder how they missed the cheese danish all week.

I am certain everyone in the house picks their favorite food and then hides it. It’s also not uncommon to see something labeled in the fridge with, “Don’t eat. Or else!” I’m not sure what the “or else” actually is, and it seems most don’t care, because the success rate of this deterrent is only about 40% at best. So whatever food comes in is fair game I guess. Hide it. Label it. Disguise it. That said, no matter what you do, Sassy Britches already has a plan for the box of Cheez-its before it’s even cleared the threshold of the house.

I have learned a lot about food insecurity, so I guess I understand the swarm around food mentality that a lot of the people in my house have. You wouldn’t think that would be one of the hardest parts to live with, but it is. The number of times I’ve gone to make dinner only to find a key ingredient missing is more than I can keep track of. It is important to note that I have noticed that the demand for fruit is no where near the demand for a box of fudge pop tarts. Maybe it’s time to write my name on all the bananas, start a new trend, and force the bananas into popularity by method of implied demand.