Dinner Conversation

Because there are so many of us, we pretty much have that whole holiday dining arrangement I’m pretty sure exists in most homes…. the adult table, and the kids table. Each table resides in rooms that are really only separated by one step down. The kids get the formal table, while the adults hang at the table that everyone piles their crap on. I’m not sure how that selection was made, but as usual, I feel like I got the short stick here. Anyhow, the seating arrangements call for dinner conversation to be spread across the two rooms. I usually position myself at the end of the table with my back to the other table. This serves two purposes. Firstly, sometimes the drama, or “spilling of the tea” at the teenager table is so ridiculous that I can’t hold back the eye-rolling. I also occasionally mouth the vulgarities that match said eye-rolls, to dear Hubby, when so-and-so is carrying on about Sally and her terribly unfortunate hair disaster, or how they got caught doing something they shouldn’t have but they are of course innocent. Duh.

So, conversation at the dinner table(s) the other night did not disappoint. Hubby, buried under a pile of car repairs, asked Cohort if she wanted to help him out in the garage.

Hubby: Hey Cohort, you want to help me with some O2 Sensors in the garage?

Cohort: Carbon Sensors?

Mr. Gatsby, proudly from the adult table: That would be incorrect.

Hubby: Never mind.

I’m not sure if she is a genius, or not. Either way, she sure got herself out of that task in a hurry. Again, I was glad that my back was to the other table as I mouthed, “What the? Carbon?” Look, by time I get to dinner, we are all lucky I am still in control of my mouth at all. Especially considering I’m on week two of no car, and thus no way to escape the insanity AND we had a school “professional development day” – AKA – No school day, last week. That of course was directly following a school break and snow day. I had a dream last night about a vaping speech I wanted to have today. When I woke up, I wasn’t sure if it happened, or if it was a dream. When I delivered my speech today, they all gave me the very fake nodding of the head and phrases that implied that they were agreeable to my suggestions. No one had on the, “Mom has lost her mind” face, often paired with the, “didn’t she just tell us this yesterday” face. With that in mind, I’m assuming I had indeed dreamt I had delivered the speech. It was of course much better executed in my head than it was in real life delivery. To further drive home the point that I’ve lost my mind. Hubby did take me out of the house today and I lost the car keys. Hubby found them for me, in the ignition. Enough said.

Earlier in the week, Princess ordered herself some food grade, Citric Acid Powder from the Amazon fairy. Not just a little baggie, but what I’d guess is five pounds worth. I’m still not sure why. It was motivated by a need for sour candy, but I guess it wasn’t exactly everything she had thought it would be. As a result, it ended up in my pantry, basically to never be used. Enter dinner clean up time and Cohort was eating lemon wedges at the kitchen counter. Because of the way my brain operates the lemon wedges and the look on her face brought my mind around to that citric acid. Ahhh yes. The citric acid.

Me: You know what I bet is really good?

Sassy Britches and Cohort in unison: What!?!?!

Me: You should try dipping those lemon wedges in that citric acid powder first.

Cohort: You think?

Me: Absolutely.

The lemon dipping commenced and Cohort shoved the entire lemon wedge into her mouth. At first, she said it was great, which encouraged Sassy Britches to eat a wedge. In that moment, I thought my evil genius had failed me. Then, the after taste hit Cohort and the face she made was worth the delayed reaction. I laughed. I cried. It was a good time. Sassy Britches wasn’t trilled at all and probably would have scrubbed her mouth with near anything else to get rid of the taste. Daytime Emmy Nominee had taken off well before any of this and was quickly summoned back down to try the lemon “candy.” To her credit, she is the only one of the three that took a more cautious nibble first, and thus suffered minimal taste bud horrors in comparison.

Proof that I am having some fun while losing my mind.